Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Ranting Bruino - “Lies”

You know what really grinds my beans?
Boy, the thing that really gets me is, the that lie itself (that one little moment of untrue stuff that’s said/done) is not the beginning and the end of the lie. Oh no! There’s all the sniveling, spinelessness, cowering, ducking and diving, fake smiling, alibi-ing, whispering, cowering, pretending, … the amoeba-ing that goes on before and after the lie.
Lies! LIES! It’s all lies, I tell you.
And for somebody who really tries every freakin’ day to keep it real? The lies stink.
Why waste all that brain space on remembering The Lie and all the padding that comes with it? - who to talk to, who not to talk to, what did I say to whom and when, what to say to say-and-so and who to leave out completely.
Just be honest and you don’t have to take up all those brain cells remembering a whole lot of kak.
Maybe some people get off on lying?
Maybe it’s an illness?
Maybe some people can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction.
Maybe it’s pure laziness to do the right thing?
Maybe some people don’t give a rat’s hiney about anyone but themselves and lying is the only way they can feed their own selfishness while saving face at the same time?
… But I think that most lies are born out of cowardice. It takes a lot to face yourself and tell the truth – especially if you know that you’ve done something really un-cool. Trust me! I know. I’m Catholic and there’s no bigger fear than going into confession and telling someone face-to-face with a total scumbag you’ve been. And whatever you may feel about Catholics / Catholicism / confession, it’s GREAT practice for Real Life… Examining your conscience, seeing where you’re wrong, apologizing and asking for forgiveness. (Shiver!) And the biggest thing about confession is that you can NEVER do that bad thing again… Ever. (Double shiver!)
Man! You think you know people, but don’t. You actually really don’t.
So cover your back and safe-guard your heart.
You never know when some sucker might come along, lull you into a false sense of security and then whip the rug out from under your feet with a few well-chosen half-truths.

Phew! That felt nice.
Enjoyed it? Well then look out for the next installment of The Ranting Bruino, where nobody is safe.
Are you the taxi driver who tried to push me off the road this morning? Look out! The next episode might just be about you and the state of our South African roads! Argh!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Lifestyles of the not-so-rich and moderately-famous (in Durban)

Hey bloggers!
If you've already had a gatvol of popping into Carmen's World to see what I'm up to, and all you get greeted with (AGAIN!) is a picture of me with my silky hair, I DO APOLOGISE!
I've been in Cape Town for a week on a tv shoot. And I'll be going back for another week on the edit.
So this is really just a little "Howzit!" to let you know that I haven't forgotten you. I've thought about you all everyday. And I'll be using up all my weekend-minutes calling you this weekend to see how you're doing.
Watch this space for pics of the shoot and my recording with... wait for it... SOUTH AFRICA'S TOP ROCK BAND, PRIME CIRCLE!
How friggin' cool is that?
I flew up to Johannesburg last week to sit in on the recording of their latest track, and the next thing I know, I'm getting dragged into the recording booth to sing back-up vocals!! "No way!" I hear you shout... Well! YES way!
Those of you who have heard me sing will know that I don't exactly have a "hard rock" type of voice. James Hetfield's job is not in Kak Straat if you know what I mean? So it sounded a lot like "Marry Poppins does Prime Circle". (Hey! Wait a minute. That sounded well porno! Anyway.) But after the band stopped laughing so hard that they were CRYING (:-() they ASSURED me that I'd be "in there somewhere"... Poison!
I was also doing some crazy-mad flirting with Marco (the bass guitarist). He nearly signed my boobs, but I chickened out... Argh!
Next time, I suppose.
I might be seeing them again sometime soon, but I'm not holding my breath. Who knows where I'll be jet-setting off to tomorrow, hey? Sigh.
Anyway! Be cool, Durban. And don't break anything while I'm gone!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Wow. I'm getting quite nifty with the ol' flat irons, hey?

Here I am on Saturday with my shiny straight hair, sitting next to my fave cousin, Lynette at her niece's 1st birthday party. What did we ever do without flat irons, hey girls?
I tell you what I'd be doing... I'd be sitting there on that sofa with a fuzzy hairline and more hair gel than N'Sync went through in the early years... or later years, for that matter.
GHD for president!!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Sorry for ignoring all THREE of you, my dedicated followers...

... But things have been a little wierd in my world over the past few days? Weeks? Months?
I dunno.
Know how people say they're having a kak day?
Well I'm having a kak life!
And so to put it all in words, I've decided to create a little blog alter ego, - an Eminem to my Marshal Mathers, if you will.
And I'd like to call her The Ranting Bruino.
Those of you who watch the cartoon network as religiously as I do would know that on Sheep In The Big City there's a character called The Ranting Swede, who basically takes a spot on a stage and mouths off on the totally unrelated, arb sh1t that hacks him off. See him in the pic? Cute, hey?
I wrote my first Ranting Bruino "rant" a few days ago, but I haven't published it. I'm one of those people who's always thinking about the consequences of my actions... The ramifications! The ripple effect! I gotta consider my conscience. Will I be able to sleep at night? Will I be able to look myself in the mirror tomorrow? Or will I have to avoid all reflective surfaces until I get distracted and I forget?
Typical libran, I guess. (Scales of Justice, Do unto others, etc etc etc.)
Not everyone is made that way, I guess. And those are the people who are giving me all the ammo I need to hop on my ranting soap box and give it hell, lately.
I'm not going to publish the first one that I've written just yet. I might write a bunch, jumble them up and print them randomly, - purely to protect the identity of the so-called "innocent". (Snort!)
And here comes the best part! To all my fabulous design types out there... I'm looking for a cute cartoon illustration for my Ranting Bruino! It's gotta have elements of me in it, and preferably in a ranting pose, like that of the Swede herewith. I'd like to post the cartoon along with my rants everytime I have one. So GET DESIGNING when you can (*giggle*). Best one wins a bottle of cheap wine, but all will be published for all the world to see!